Human beings have two nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system which we will call the “accelerator” and the parasympathetic nervous system which we will call “the brake”.
We use the accelerator when we experience challenging times in life. Whenever this happens, our stress response (the accelerator) is released in our bodies. This presents physically: Your heart rate increases, palms get sweaty, you may notice you feel a little overwhelmed. All of these things are really just your body providing you with a boost of energy to either fight the problems or to run away from them.
As soon as the challenge has been dealt with, and the danger has passed, the accelerator can be relieved by the break and you can relax. However, when stress is longstanding it may actually feel as though our accelerator is stuck and our body is working overtime, all the time, and we never actually allow our brakes to kick in.
Our sexuality goes hand in hand with the breaks. Naturally speaking, it does not make sense for us to enjoy sensual touching or passionately kissing our partner if our stress pedal is hitting the metal. Stress and sex drive do not mix. You simply cannot have a head full of worries while also having an enjoyable sexual experience.
Why is this?
Changes in hormones - When the accelerator has been in overdrive for a long period of time, you body will actually begin to produce more cortisol. Cortisol is known as “the stress hormone.” The building blocks used in this process are the very same building blocks used to produce the sex hormone testosterone. Therefore, for most people with long-lasting stress symptoms, their testosterone production is reduced.
It makes it harder to be present - When the stress hormones kick in, It is nearly impossible to be present to listen and to be interested in the people around you, as your mind is almost always focused on the unresolved stressors.
The stress hormones pumping through your body are encouraging you to either fight or flight. This can even lead to you being short and snappy towards your partner. The people you normally love having around you can suddenly feel like a source of annoyance because they demand time with you.All of this doesn’t leave much time for feelings of closeness with your partner. slowly but surely, the desire for intimacy starts to fade away.
When your presence and your intimacy fade away, and your irritation skyrockets, it’s only natural for insecurities to increase. In most cases, this equals a considerably lowered lust for intimacy and sexual contact.
What can you do?
Be honest - Your partner is likely wondering why you do not want to engage sexually with them any more, this can create a rippling effect causing them to feel insecure and likely stop pursuing wanting to engage in sexual intimacy with you too. Try and speak with your partner about how you are feeling and if needed, involve a sexologist.
Focus on reducing your stress and "activating your brake", this may be by incorporating stress reducing techniques such as deep breathing, making time for something you love.
Improve adrenal function by taking supplements that contain a class of herbs called adaptogens. Adaptogens relieve stress by modulating the release of stress hormones from the adrenal glands. Adaptogens restore the body’s innate immune function and help the body adapt to different stressors. This gives them preventative and protective as well as curative activity in compromised immunity. Some of my favourite adaptogens include Ashwagandha (Withania), Rhodiola, Schisandra, Astragalus , Ginseng.
For more ways on how to enhance libido you can refer to my other blog:
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